Choose your battles wisely. After all, life isn't measured by how many times you stood up to fight. It's not winning battles that makes you happy, but it's how many times you turned away and chose to look into a better direction. Life is too short to spend it on warring. Fight only the most, most, most important ones, let the rest go. Happiness is a concious choice, not an automatic response. If you want to be happy then, be. Forgive. Forget. Don't be afraid. Stop Worrying.
Born: Seventh of March at 5:45 am
Wand: Willow, 14” Core: Dragon heartstring, springy
Her story so far: Rose was the first born daughter of Ron and Hermione Weasley. When she came into this world everyone was so thrilled. She was welcomed into the most loving family in the entire world. Growing up in a large family is sometimes difficult. Though for Rose it was what she wanted, she loved her family and thought that they were the best people in the world.
When Rose was nine she felt like she was different, she didn’t act like other girls her age. She didn’t think any boy was cute, she just thought that they’d be fun to hang around with. This started a few problems with some of her friends who didn’t understand her any more, so she stayed in doors mostly and read. Reading helped her escape and become who she knew she was inside. People called her names and said that she was stuck up because she didn’t play any more. These insults made Rose really sad and she would cry herself to sleep every night. Though to her family everything was fine because she wouldn’t let on that anything was wrong.
When she was eleven and it was time to go off to school, Rose was scared. What if everyone was mean to her, she wouldn’t have the comfort of her room to hide in. Putting on a strong façade, Rose went off to school. She wouldn’t be alone she had her cousins with her. At the sorting ceremony she was the longest hat-stall they had seen ever. The hat told her that she showed abilities for all of the houses, but in the end it took her choice and put her in Ravenclaw.
First second, and third year were great, she made friends and was the top of her year. She was turning out to be her mum and Rose was happy. That was until she decided to tell her parents her secret. The secret she had been keeping since she was nine. She liked girls, she’s a lesbian. Coming out to her parents wasn’t what she thought it was going to be. Her mum yelled a lot and told her she was never going to live a normal life. While her father just stood there. At the end of the argument, Rose was kicked out of the house. Having no where else to go she went to live with her girlfriend at the time. The girl she had kept a secret for two years. The twenty-four year old squib; Caelyn.
Caelyn had met Rose when Rose was twelve. Rose didn’t know at the time how Caelyn just wanted to use her because she was a Weasley. When Rose ran to Caelyn when her parents kicked her out, Caelyn was happy to invite her in. Rose thought that she was actually being loved, until the abuse started. Caelyn used to take her down to nothing and would hit her and tell her that she needed to stop eating so much. Rose built this hatred for herself and she stopped eating. Only have a slice of cheese when she was alone.
Fourth year was the worst year of Rose’s life. Everyone had found out her secret and they weren’t welcoming at all. One boy, Dylan Nott, said that he could change her and when she turned him down he made her life hell. Fuelling her hatred for herself. She tried to keep a strong facade just like she did in first year. It worked for a whole year until the hate became worse and people started threatening her life. At the end of fifth year Rose decided not to return to school.
The next year when everyone was getting ready to go back to school she stayed in bed the whole day. She had stopped eating completely and just wanted to die. Caelyn had ripped her heart out that summer and she had no where to go. She was sleeping on random people’s sofa’s who she met during the day. They were complete strangers and she even had to do “favours” just so she wouldn’t have to sleep on the street. Her life had hit rock bottom until one day a man in a suit said that she had a look to her that was unique. That news perked up her spirits.
Becoming a model wasn’t all she thought it was going to be. At first it was amazing but she couldn’t put on any weight or she would get yelled at. She wanted to keep her job so she did everything she needed to do. Even though she had been harming her body with deep cuts and covering them up with a charm she had worked on. She stopped eating again and everything seemed okay. One day she was walking in a show when she fainted from the lack of nutrients. She was rushed to the hospital in Milan and when word got out about who she was, she was sent back to London. She laid in St. Mungo’s for nine months recovering from the years of not eating. No one in her family came and visited her. Which was how Rose wanted it she didn’t want to disappoint any more.
When Rose recovered and was able to get back to work, she did immediately. Though she shouldn’t have because she wasn’t recovered at all. She jumped back into her bad habits and her self hatred. She went a few more months before she decided to end everything. She planned it out she would end her life and everyone could move on and forget she ever existed. She took a whole packet of sleeping tablets and drank the whole bottle of rum. She was so close to death and she was almost free. Until Alexis came by to see her and stopped the whole process.
Rose had met Alexis one day while walking to get some air. She had told her to come by sometime not really thinking that she would. But because Alexis did, she saved Rose’s life. Rose wasn’t ready to die after all but she just wanted out. She wanted all of the pain to go away. Rose had a long road to travel before she would be okay, but she was glad that Alexis saved her and was wanting to be there.
After a few months of dating Alexis, Rose needed to find herself again so without notice she left and went to stay with her friend in New York. She knew she should have left word but she made a mistake and just left. While in New York, Rose realised that she needed to get home. She was only gone a month but she had to go home to Alexis. She needed to be with the one she loved. Coming home she knew that Alexis would probably be mad but she would explain that she needed to find herself, and she did.
Now Alexis and Rose live together and Rose couldn’t be happier. She is still working on the self hating issue but she wears her scars and doesn’t hide them any more. She isn’t proud of them but they tell a story of how much she had over come in four years. She had her heart broken, had her life made a living hell, almost killed herself, and was saved by the woman she wants to marry someday. Rose’s life is all hers and she wouldn’t trade it for anything.
Personality: Rose is one of those people that wont take crap from anyone. She will not be disrespected in anyway. With her family, if a person insults them or looks down on them she gets really angry. She is mostly a lover and wants peace. She would do anything for anyone she loves. Also to break up the tension she sometimes acts really silly just so people will laugh.
Likes: Cheese, cheese, cheese, oh and cheese. Also chocolate, singing and dancing. She is a hopeless romantic.
Dislikes: Hate, bullies, violence, and Prehistoric views.
No one knows that I just tried to kill myself today. They won’t know because they are too busy with their lives to even realise that someone else is hurting. That’s how life goes. Your family only wants to be involved when you are happy and able to help them. When it is the other way around, and you need help, they wont be around. It’s okay though, you learn to not need them. If they need you though, you drop everything and go to them. I hate that they seem to depend on me, and I can’t even depend on them. I feel like I don’t even have a family any more…. If it weren’t for my friend I would be dead and they wouldn’t have a Rose to depend on. I guess I will just keep up the façade and no one will ever realise what I have done. It’s better if they don’t know, so I still look perfect. I just wish they’d realise that I need help, and I need them. Doubt that’ll ever happen…..
Rose’s nightly binge wasn’t working any more. She needed a permanent fix, though there wasn’t going to be one. She thought about all of the people she hurt, they had lives before she destroyed them. She really messed up this time. She remembered their faces, each person was equally terrified. She was a monster and she needed help. She couldn’t continue to hide who she was now. Getting up from the sofa, Rose picked up the empty bottles. She tossed them into the bin before making her way to the bathroom. Leaning over the sink, she ran some cold water. Rose cupped her hands and splashed cold water on her face. Now that she was more awake, she was more aware of how much she screwed up. She looked up at her reflection, blue eyes meeting blue eyes. She used to see so much life in her eyes, but that was gone now. Her potential has died along with her dreams. All she saw now was a monster who had hurt innocent people, that she didn’t even know. She looked away from the mirror as her tears threatened to spill over. She slumped to the floor, leaning against the wall. Her arms wrapping around her knees, hugging them to her chest. Rose sat there for what seemed like an eternity, sobbing into her knees. She looked up, finally realising what she had to do. She walked back into her kitchen, grabbed the last two whiskey bottles, and went back to her spot on the sofa. She counted out the remainder of the tablets, while chugging the first bottle. Twenty-four tablets were left. Opening the second bottle, she slid all of the tablets into her hand. Dumping them all into her mouth she took a swig of whiskey. As tablet and whiskey mixed together, Rose relaxed her throat and swallowed. She quickly scribbled “sorry” in big bold letters over the news story of a death. While Rose waited for the tablets to put her to sleep, she thought about weeks previous.
Rose was just walking through muggle London, when she saw her ex, Cael. It was finally time for revenge. She walked up behind her, following her home. Rose shoved her ex inside the house, and locked the door. There were loads of screaming, which was quickly muffled by Rose’s hand. She had taped her ex’s mouth, and began torturing her. It had gone too far though, Rose lost control. When she realised what she had done, she apparated out of there. Leaving Cael to die. Rose didn’t know until a week later that Cael had died, but she saw it in a paper when she was walking in London one day. Rose had killed someone, if Rose had read the story more clearly she would have saw that she didn’t kill Cael. Cael had gotten free and a man had stabbed her in the back, several times. Rose didn’t read that part, she just saw the picture and read the title.
Once the tablets finally started working, Rose finished the remnants of the Whiskey, shut her eyes, and welcomed sleep. The endless sleep that she needed. She just hoped her family wouldn’t be too sad, and miss her too much. Sleep came fast and Rose was finally at peace.
Rose ran a hand through her darkened locks as she looked at the bottle of whiskey, she needed to forget. Forgetting everything was the only way she could live. Living was way too difficult with her memories. The momentary release was what she needed. Picking up the bottle, she took off the lid. Bringing it up to her lips, she let the warm caramel coloured liquid slide easily down her throat. Once half of the bottle was gone she could feel her memories start to fade, it was time to chase the liquid with the her mind erasing tablets. Popping four into her mouth, she took a big swig of whiskey. Finishing the bottle before she laid her head back against the sofa. She needed to forget the pain she caused her cousin, and the pain she caused everyone. She just needed to forget. Shutting her eyes, she tried to keep the tears away. Though those tears didn’t stop, closing her eyes couldn’t stop the inevitable. She was broken and no one knew anything. She couldn’t trust anyone with this, because no one knows what it’s like to have all this pressure to be perfect and fail every single time. If only someone could save her from herself.
The house was dark, all the drapes closed tight. The only light was the soft glow of a burning candle. Rose sat on her sofa staring at the tablets. They had been sitting there since this morning, when she came home. All she wanted was sleep, but she was always woken up by the screaming in her head. Constant screaming, of everyone she had hurt. Plucking out two tablets, Rose grabbed her water. Taking both of them, she let the water push them down her throat. She took a deep breath and leaned her head back against the sofa. Her eyes softly shutting, she waited for sleep. It didn’t come though, sleep wouldn’t come that easily. As her eyes shot open, Rose sat up. She mentally cursed her luck, getting frustrated. She stood up and paced around the room, the more she paced, the more her frustration won. She balled her fists, punching the nearest thing to her. Leaving a fist side hole in her wall. Punching the wall didn’t feel as satisfying as punching a person. Nothing competed with the feel of fists against flesh. Rose took a deep breath, her eye catching the tablets once more. Dropping down to her knees, Rose took two more. What could two more do? She popped them into her mouth, swallowing a gulp of water. She laid back on the floor and cranked up the music. Moments later her eyes were shutting and she was finally free of the screaming. Being unconscious from overdosing was officially her solution to her problem.
I have been called shallow because I voice my opinions; thought of as heartless because I’ve acted upon them. I don’t, and never will, speak with the thought in mind of what is socially acceptable or politically correct, purely what my mind finds acceptable and correct.
I find no faults in honesty and no values in lying, although I have lied many times.
Which brings me hypocrisy. It is something so many of us use, and so many are victimised by. Most of us try to avoid it, but hardly any of us escape it. We all have our morals which we are often distinguished by, often we stand up for these things, only to contradict ourselves and reveal weaknesses. Weaknesses, it seems, is the overriding fear we have when it comes to our own personality. This is what makes us human, weaknesses.
Often, some of us say something with the welfare of others in mind, which made me ask myself, ‘If everyone was like that, would the world be a better place?’ But if everyone was like that, would anyone be in the position that they needed to be reassured of anything?
With bad things comes good things. With war, which I am usually opposed to, can come freedom, and sometimes peace.
With arguments comes truth. A broken friendship must start with friendship, which brings memories.
If everything in the world was perfect, there would be no such thing as bad or evil. But if we are unaware of evil, do we really know what good is? And if everything is perfect, we cannot appreciate how lucky we are, without experiencing anything bad. For if there was no evil, ‘good’ would become the norm, and we would have no highs nor lows.
To me, it seems, three things in life bring us down.
Hatred from our foes,
Evil in the world,
And failure within ourselves.
For some, only the latter would ring true.
But, for all of you who find truth in any of the three, realise this;
With hatred from our foes comes love from our friends,
With evil in the world comes good from people,
With failure within ourselves comes success within ourselves.
It is these things, that make life worthwhile.
The definition of family is; A group of individual intellectuals who are born from one or two individuals in which share your genetics and take care of you.
If I went on that then I would think that I have a huge family. I don’t go on that, I don’t think half of the people that I should consider family actually care about me. I am sitting here practically killing myself and struggling to remain whole enough so no one realises that I am a dead inside, and no one seems to even take a moment and ask if I am okay. They just think that since I am Rose that I will be okay. I’m not okay and I wont ever be okay. I have done things and witnessed things that have destroyed the Rose that everyone loves. All I am asking for is my family. I need them more now then I have ever needed them in the past. If I don’t have them then I guess we can start planning my funeral because that is what’s coming….